Heartbreak....the universal equalizer. No matter how nice, how caring, how beautiful, or on the contrary, how scummy, ruthless and less than lovely one is, we have all been heartbroken by the time we're in our mid twenties. It's the one experience that brings us down to Earth, and one we can all relate to. I've heard two people who have entirely nothing in common...even a slight hatred for each other...bond over deep conversation of a messy break up. Once you've had that gut-wrenching, devastatingly empty feeling hit your stomach and work its way up to your heart, all you want to do is share the misery with others.
Why have I chosen to revive my darling little blog over such a dismal subject? Take a wild guess. Oh, that's right, I've just been equalized. Just a little over a year after already being equalized SO harshly that I thought I'd never experience an equalizing ever again. Turns out, I was wrong. I'm beginning to think I've a slight penchant for sadism when it comes to my love life. Every guy I've fallen for seems to agree.
All right, all right. I won't go all pity party on myself. This break up is actually (praise the heavens above) a lot less painful than my first was. Nothing quite gets you like first love...we're all a little wiser after that psychotic, spellbinding and utterly magical experience we go through with the first people we are mutually infatuated with. No, this time around I've been something of a schizophrenic headcase. It's a little wallowing in misery followed by overly feminist man-bashing followed by analytical "where did it all go wrong!?" bouts, and capped off finally with am I a good person?! Is he?! spazzes. (Yes, and to-be-decided are the answers to those, in case you were wondering.) This is all interspersed with social media creeping and torturing myself with touching memories we shared all but two weeks ago.
The silver lining on this cloud of gray is that I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. It has thus far in my life, and will continue to. Something, or some one, leaves your life so you can appreciate some one better soon on their way. We are one hundred percent of the time exactly where we are supposed to be in life at that very moment. Skeptics may write this off as comforting malarkey us down-in-the-dumps souls use to make ourselves feel better but to them I say talk to me in a year. I guarantee you I will be happier in all areas of my life than I am today. You live and you learn -- it's really that simple. All that matters is progress; otherwise you're just standing still.
So even though I'm hurt and bewildered (this one unraveled quicker than a loose thread on a cashmere sweater) I'm functional and logical...and wiser. The first two aspects far eluded my first break up. If something can so quickly go from good to horrible to worse, than it wasn't what I thought it was in the first place. Anyone who is nice to you while you're together but horrible to you the second you're done was never a nice person to start with. Let's hope the next fiasco is less of a fiasco and more of a keeper.
Wallowing and sad I still am, but there's nothing time, a few good nights out, and copious amounts of Nutella and whatever excuse of a food I use as my Nutella vessels, cannot cure. Do I feel worthless? Not at all. Valueless? Maybe for a second but that quickly passes. Mostly I just feel human -- susceptible to falling in love when least expecting it and the vulnerability and hurt being in love inevitably brings. The great universal equalizer strikes again. Been there? Of course you have. Haven't we all.
x
Why have I chosen to revive my darling little blog over such a dismal subject? Take a wild guess. Oh, that's right, I've just been equalized. Just a little over a year after already being equalized SO harshly that I thought I'd never experience an equalizing ever again. Turns out, I was wrong. I'm beginning to think I've a slight penchant for sadism when it comes to my love life. Every guy I've fallen for seems to agree.
All right, all right. I won't go all pity party on myself. This break up is actually (praise the heavens above) a lot less painful than my first was. Nothing quite gets you like first love...we're all a little wiser after that psychotic, spellbinding and utterly magical experience we go through with the first people we are mutually infatuated with. No, this time around I've been something of a schizophrenic headcase. It's a little wallowing in misery followed by overly feminist man-bashing followed by analytical "where did it all go wrong!?" bouts, and capped off finally with am I a good person?! Is he?! spazzes. (Yes, and to-be-decided are the answers to those, in case you were wondering.) This is all interspersed with social media creeping and torturing myself with touching memories we shared all but two weeks ago.
The silver lining on this cloud of gray is that I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. It has thus far in my life, and will continue to. Something, or some one, leaves your life so you can appreciate some one better soon on their way. We are one hundred percent of the time exactly where we are supposed to be in life at that very moment. Skeptics may write this off as comforting malarkey us down-in-the-dumps souls use to make ourselves feel better but to them I say talk to me in a year. I guarantee you I will be happier in all areas of my life than I am today. You live and you learn -- it's really that simple. All that matters is progress; otherwise you're just standing still.
So even though I'm hurt and bewildered (this one unraveled quicker than a loose thread on a cashmere sweater) I'm functional and logical...and wiser. The first two aspects far eluded my first break up. If something can so quickly go from good to horrible to worse, than it wasn't what I thought it was in the first place. Anyone who is nice to you while you're together but horrible to you the second you're done was never a nice person to start with. Let's hope the next fiasco is less of a fiasco and more of a keeper.
Wallowing and sad I still am, but there's nothing time, a few good nights out, and copious amounts of Nutella and whatever excuse of a food I use as my Nutella vessels, cannot cure. Do I feel worthless? Not at all. Valueless? Maybe for a second but that quickly passes. Mostly I just feel human -- susceptible to falling in love when least expecting it and the vulnerability and hurt being in love inevitably brings. The great universal equalizer strikes again. Been there? Of course you have. Haven't we all.
x
