Why the Notebook Sucks...OMFG

The Notebook is the worst movie on the face of this Earth. Yup. I said it. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful and touching and lovely and magical and absolutely hopelessly, mind-bogglingly romantic....and it sucks balls. No matter how many tears stream down my face whenever Aly and Noah jump into each other's arms, choosing to be together over all logic and common sense, I know that situations like that just don't happen in real life. Why, Notebook, why must you be so cruel? Ryan Gosling single-handedly puts into the minds of every women out there that an amazing, star-crossed lover awaits, eager to prove every notion about jerk guys wrong. Nuh-uh. Does not exist. There's even a Twitter account under the movie's name that spews love quotes, which make even this romantic want to gag. I've un-followed people who re-tweet too many of those quotes. (I.e. sad single girls.)

I should preface this entry with the fact that my friend Liz and I made the poor choice of watching this movie while in the midst of tumultuous fights with our respective boyfriends/ex-boyfriends. After the credits rolled, we promptly wiped away our tears and ran back to the boys we had dismissed as idiotic just hours earlier at dinner. Seriously girls, when you're upset or in a fight with men, don't watch this movie. It makes you think they're something they're not. Bitter? Maybe. But with good reason. Noahs' do not exist in this day and age. The Southern United States in the 1940's? Perhaps. But not today.

The scenes when both characters are elderly are sweet in their devotion, but I found watching this for the second time (Yes, the second time. I'm not one of those girls who curls up in bed and watches The Notebook over and over again on a rainy day. Pointless.) that the interactions Ryan and Rachael have when they're young are very much...well, scenes that justify the crazy. Oh, you know what I mean boys and girls -- the crazy. The little voice in your head that tells you whatever extreme, emotional feeling you're trying to justify when in love is totally justified. It's the same voice that makes you online creep an ex's profile, throw objects that are within arm's reach when enraged at your partner and say "we'll make it work!"  when it hasn't the past six billion times.

And that speech. Oh that speech. That speech that he gives after they've reunited seven years later to make her choose him over her handsome yet dull and predictable fiance. (James Marsten, sexy as ever. Although no matter what role I see him in, I expect him to shoot lasers out of his eyes, Cyclops style.) That speech ruins it for us all. It makes any girl, or guy, stuck in a fiery, perpetually unstable relationship think that that is love. I don't remember his words exactly but something along the lines of "Fight! That's what we do! It's going to be hard, and we'll have to work on it every day, but I want you. Everyday. Forever."  I mean, really. Those are fighting words justifying the crazy if I ever heard them. Not cool, Ryan Gosling, not cool.

Yes, fighting is a natural part of relationships and when we fight, we move forward when we come up solutions. But, when we fight constantly and get nowhere? I just can't wrap my head around that being love. When the same issues arise over and over, it's usually because neither party is willing to compromise for one another. And what's a good relationship without compromise? There is no good relationship without compromise. Sacrifices for love should be a joy simply to see how happy it makes your significant other. But that's just me.

Women in their twenties have enough cray cray going on without needing justification of it all from romantic drivel in movies. Although men could stand to cure some of their cluelessness with romance by watching. Dear men: if you feel compelled to show your woman how much your care for them, just do it. There's no rarer breed than a genuine romantic man nowadays and it'll put you miles ahead of most selfish guys out there. All in all, touching movie, but about as realistic as X-Men. Ryan Goslings of the world, where art thou?
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Eat, Pray, Movie Love....OMFG

Eat, Pray, Love, the memoir written by Elizabeth Gilbert finally came out in movie form last weekend. I've read the book, and while wildly popular, Gilbert received a lot of criticism for basically being a privileged, wealthy writer with no substantial problems (relatively speaking) who whines her way through Italy, India and Bali looking for whatever she thought was missing in her life and marriage before. As one critic lovingly put it: #whitepeopleproblems. Well said, but let's face it, if you're reading this from the comfort of your living room in the Western World, chances are you've been through some white people problems yourself. With social privileges acknowledged, I actually really enjoyed the novel! With no formal training in writing, Gilbert's style is simple, clear and lengthy...it's as if she's just written the streaming thoughts that run through her head. She is at times self-loathing, narcissistic, ridiculously observant and over-the-top...her words are the extent of how we all feel some times but won't admit. I could relate with her feeling out of place and desperately unhappy in a world where everything is seemingly fine and gladly read of her finding herself on her own in three very different countries. Yes, it may seem self-indulgent to leave a high-paying job in the most ambitious city in the world (New York) and take year to simply live in beautiful locations across the globe, but it was nice to take the journey with Gilbert who was selfish and fortunate enough to live it.
The movie was light and breezy as expected, and just as light and breezy in safely resolving itself. While Gilbert may have found real love in Bali, it just seemed a little too easy that a man who wanted to devote himself to her was waiting in the final destination of her trip. Sure, it can be argued that Gilbert herself was finally ready to love again and opened herself up to the opportunity after months of soul-searching, but I just didn't buy it. Attribute it to the bitter state I'm in right now, but just think of how many divorced women are going to travel to these three places only to find no Javier Bardem waiting for them at sunset ready to sail into a new life together...plenty. Sexy Brazilian men there may not be in real life, but it's the opening of oneself up to opportunity, and seeing her potential in the world again that brings the real lesson in life after losing a lover.
Easy, breezy fluff aside, there were two distracting factors in the movie that left me puzzled. One, and the most noticeable: Robert's lips. Seriously girls, if you're even considering getting injections done to your lips, take one look at this movie and see it as a warning not to. Being the biggest movie star in the world can't cover up the fact that Roberts, although radiant in appearance and lovely in her role, has a big ole trout upper lip that I could. not. stop. staring. at. Especially during scenes in Italy where there are literally close-ups of her lips in each scene. Unnatural, unnecessary and just plain silly looking...stick to what your Mama's gave you ladies, and if not, at least go the Megan Fox circa Transformers route where no one can tell. (Any further and you'll look like the Robo-Megan that's out there today -- terrifying.)
The other question mark of the movie was James Franco. Once a James Dean-esque moody heartthrob, Franco now more resembles a college kid who's kind of high and kind of scraggly and kind of stumbled onto camera with some lines to spit out. His performance was so strange, I almost expected to see him post it on Funny or Die along with the rest of his weirdly nonsensical videos on acting. Even unkempt he's still a handsome man, but the eyes-half-closed, dopey-smiled expression he had on his face the entire movie left me thinking that maybe he should stick to General Hospital for a little bit. His eccentricities are strangely attractive, but I'm just not sure they belong in a chick-lit movie.
Romanticized travel, spectacular food, and easy love are all emphasized in Eat, Pray, Love and while none-too-realistic, it was nonetheless a pleasant journey through a woman's mind and a world where every whim of an unhappy woman could be fulfilled simply because she wanted it.

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