The Sport of Celeb F*cking

I don't really follow sports. I find baseball boring (although going to games is an excuse to drink beer during the daytime without judgement), hockey mildly interesting (mostly for the fights that break out and and again, non-judgmental early drinking), and basketball marginally the most interesting, if only to go to games and spot the hardcore bling of all the baller wives who attend games from across the court. Many of my model counterparts, however, pay for more attention to sports than I ever could. For them it's not activities that take place on the field or in an arena, and don't involve any balls....actually wait. Maybe not. I'm alluding to the subtle, yet entirely present sport of celebrity hook-ups! That's right...the game of schmoozing and whatever happens after schmoozing with celebrities simply because, well, they're celebrities.

My darling hometown of Toronto is an interesting little habitat to observe celebrity behavior. Not blase and jaded like New York where Manhattanites can walk past Sarah Jessica Parker and the twins on the way to Magnolia without blinking an eye, (and where non-New Yorkers pretend to be just as uncaring if only to fit in), or downright shameless in fame adoration and the road to get there like in L.A, Toronto falls somewhere in the middle where everyone freaks out and wants to be seen with celebrities, but only if they're seen in a way where they don't appear to care. As if you just so happen to be hanging out with George Clooney because you two obviously run in the same circles -- and not because you heard he was going to be at some film fest party and pulled every string you had to inch your way to the edge of his table and take a picture where you're just barely in the same frame. Potato, potato. It's not just our secret gawking that makes Toronto unique, but also how comfortable it is for celebs here. Maybe it's that the T-dot is relatively low-key, or that they think we Canadians are just generally nicer and won't snitch on scandalous behavior, but whatever it is, celebrities certainly figure they can get away with more when shielded by the Great White North.

Our sheltered home and native land makes it so that celebs are more accessible than they would be in other cities...if you know a few club owners, are a model or a scenester in any way, chances are that you have a few star stories to share. And so, with celebrities frequently in town to shoot movies, do press tours or promote clothing lines, it has become something of a competition for many local girls to see just how many they can snag. I've seen this game in action; a young, sort-of attractive male star in his heyday will come to town, get wined and dined by high-end restaurateurs and venue owners, and taken to the hotspot of the night. And then the picking begins...usually his handlers will scope out the models or other attractive ladies who are there and bring them over to the star until he finds one he likes. Sleazy? Definitely. But somewhat understandable given the situation. I mean, why fish for something that you can get hand-delivered to you? With that in mind, it completely boggles my mind how many girls I see swoon, giggle, then eventually leave, with all these douches. They don't even have to be attractive! Just as long as they're famous. It's tit for tat: the star gets to add one more notch to his post of international banging and the chick gets to smugly know (or let her friends know is more like it) that she totally put the moves on Chace/Adrien/Gerard or whatnot.

If you're a spectator of this sport like I am, it's all very amusing and entertaining. I've been pulled from the sidelines every once in a while but am really not one for athletics...or being hit on by egotistical dudes who get their handlers to make introductions. Otherwise it's a fun game to follow....celebrities, models, scandal, and parties? Totally trumps sweaty dudes throwing a ball around if you ask me. For those participating, please continue to do so at events and clubs where we spectators can all continue to catch games -- especially during the playoffs, otherwise known as TIFF! Have fun, keep score, and for the love of fame don't forget to use protection -- we all know nothing's worse than having to sit a season out because of an "injury". All together now, Team Canada!
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OMFG - Modelizers galore..

After being here just over two weeks I've encountered many new species: the incredibly large and scary flying bugs that whiz in and out of my apartment via the open balcony, the screeching tropical bird which wakes me up every morning that, although I know it's probably rare and endangered, I just want to shoot, and then there's the most fascinating species of all -- modelizers. Oh, sure, we have our share of mild modelizers in Toronto -- men that enjoy the company of leggy waifs hanging around King West and pursue them here and there and whatnot but over here, at least from what I've seen, it's not just for sport -- it's a downright profession.

With so many girls here who are depending on modeling to give them a better life, I guess it's no surprise that it's like shooting fish in a barrel for men who have oodles of money (or enough to pretend they have oodles) to come in and sweep them off their feet with dinners, trips, purses and hey -- maybe even a little affection. I've had dinner with more than my share of modelizers and to hear them talk about us models like pieces of meat really ("Oh, this agency gets all the good blondes. She had good legs, bad teeth though. Unfortunate." That's so not what's unfortunate about that sentence, buddy.) is something I choose to view as entertaining. Yes, they're condescending and arrogant but likely sad little men as well so I make the best of such situations and humor this amusing breed of (not-so) gentlemen. (I also end up befriending modelizers because it's apparent one drink into dinner that they're not getting in my pants.) Men that want to be surrounded by beautiful women always isn't surprising really, I mean sex makes the world go round and round after all (sorry love and money) -- what's surprising to me is how willing all these girls are to latch onto some dude they barely know. Coming from a fairly well-off family in Canada I guess I can't really relate to not having a backup plan in life but to see fourteen year olds throw themselves at men old enough to be my dad -- well it's just kind of gross. Okay sure, maybe I'm being unsympathetic; what if they came from a hard life and have parents who are ill and blah blah blah but honestly if you're some chick who wants to whore themselves out via their looks to get the good life, well don't expect much sympathy from anyone! Like jeez, go to school or something! Brains. They're in our heads for a reason.

Snideness aside, the situation is what it is and oh goodness, it's just downright hilarious sometimes. While enjoying tapas and martinis the other night, one modelizer friend of mine expressed his disdain for a girl who outright asked for a designer bag during lunch with him. "I mean, can you believe that?!" he had exclaimed. That's the fine line of modelizing; even though the girls are acutely aware of their status as status symbols, it's in bad taste to actually acknowledge it...subtleties also make the world go round if you ask me. It's a whole industry where decisions are made on nuances so why should the sex associated with it be any different? These girls are girlfriends to the men they're with, and are expected to act appropriately. Sometimes it's like watching a father with his daughter who just was taught how to act like a lady post-Cotillion or something....i.e.hilarious. 


I'm sure some of these pairings turn into lasting unions, and good for the ones that do, but for the rest of the girls out there who are looking to latch their legs onto something better than what they came from; it's a mess waiting to happen. Even the savviest of femme fatales are bound to feel used (and really, how much of a femme fatale can one be as a teenager?) or worse. A modelizer's motto likely something along the lines of "why fuck the girl in the skirt when you can fuck the girl modeling the skirt?" -- well ladies, or more like girls, why fuck the man with the money when you fuck some one who actually likes you for you? Exactly.
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