We've all been there. Girls, you're hanging out one on one with a guy
friend you've known for a while...he's been super supportive and
understanding the past few weeks while you've been going through
whatever break-up/parent's divorce/exam period or stressful situation in
general. And suddenly his reassuring hug is less hand on your back and
more hand on your butt. Wait, what?! Not cool dude, not cool.
Of course, the situation can be reversed as well although I find this to be a lot less likely a scenario. Guys, you'll be at another (supposedly) platonic dinner with your best girl friend. It's at that new Mexican hipster resto that's all the rage and you rather go with some one you can actually pig out with as opposed to a date where you have to knife and fork your way through burritos. She's being witty, sarcastic and totally void of drama unlike all the girls you've had romantic dealings with when suddenly over her third glass of pinot gris, she unveils her undying love for you. Again...what?!
Ah, the friend zone; let us all take a moment of silence for our comrades who have been there. It's not pretty. Having feelings for some one who doesn't have feelings for you sucks. Having feelings for some one who cares about you just a little shy of romantically is torture. Guys, let me give you a little tough love: if she was into you, she'd be dating you already. Simple as that. And if she decides to date you later after knowing you this long, it's because she's exhausted her other options. Not exactly a position any self-respecting dude wants to be in. So, the question remains, how does one break free of the friend zone? Simple.
- Man (or woman) up.
Listen, you can stay in friend zone limbo forever and imagine all the "what if" scenarios you want but it's conducive to just about nothing. Life doesn't work like it does in romantic movies (and trust me when I say this displeases no one more than it does yours truly) so the best thing to do is sort. Sort that shit as soon as possible!
- Figure it out in person.
Social media has given us a million new options to read into romantic interactions...turns out we all think of our potential mates as passive aggressive morons who can only express themselves via their thumbs. Omg, if he liked my photo does that mean he likes me? K, so she shared my vid on Vine then retweeted my quote on life...she's totes into me, right?! I'm all for social media. Facebook (for work), Twitter (for fun) and Instagram for....oh wait, I deleted that because no matter how close we are I don't care what you eat for breakfast...but if you want to get real answers, for the love of cheesecake, do it in person. Ask your friend love (frove?) to coffee and bring it up then. Easy, simple and straightforward.
- Coffee, not dinner.
You don't want to pull a Miranda here. As in, booking an overly romantic restaurant, sweating buckets and adding extra pressure where it wasn't needed when she wanted to tell Steve how she felt. Keep it casual so the atmosphere remains light and airy even if the conversation doesn't. The last thing you want is a whisper fight; i.e. the kind of fight that has to occur should you plan a lovey-dovey situation in public. Okay sure, your frove could potentially say they have feelings for you as well but should that occur, I mean, go on a normal first date not a ten-year-anniversary-we-left-the-kids-at-home-and-it's-our-one-night-to-escape type deal.
- Do not, I repeat do not, do it by making a move on her while you watch movies at home.
Like, is there some cardinal guy rule that states that specific scenario must lead to sex or you are a failure as a man? Seems like it. Almost all my girlfriends who have experienced friend zone situations have had the moves put on them while watching a movie with their guy friend at home. It's creepy. And ulterior motive-y. And just in bad taste. A friendship, much less a relationship, is likely not salvageable should that situation not go well. And, if it does...well high five dude, hiiiigh five. Although you might merely have a friend with benefits as opposed to a girlfriend. (That's another blog post in itself, my dears.)
So, darling froves and frove lovers, get out of the friend zone and back into reality. Maybe it works out and maybe it doesn't, but either way you'll feel better living outside of limbo. And really, the right girl, friends first or not, won't care if you scarf down those three burritos hands-only. Until next time dear bloggees...Xx
Of course, the situation can be reversed as well although I find this to be a lot less likely a scenario. Guys, you'll be at another (supposedly) platonic dinner with your best girl friend. It's at that new Mexican hipster resto that's all the rage and you rather go with some one you can actually pig out with as opposed to a date where you have to knife and fork your way through burritos. She's being witty, sarcastic and totally void of drama unlike all the girls you've had romantic dealings with when suddenly over her third glass of pinot gris, she unveils her undying love for you. Again...what?!
Ah, the friend zone; let us all take a moment of silence for our comrades who have been there. It's not pretty. Having feelings for some one who doesn't have feelings for you sucks. Having feelings for some one who cares about you just a little shy of romantically is torture. Guys, let me give you a little tough love: if she was into you, she'd be dating you already. Simple as that. And if she decides to date you later after knowing you this long, it's because she's exhausted her other options. Not exactly a position any self-respecting dude wants to be in. So, the question remains, how does one break free of the friend zone? Simple.
- Man (or woman) up.
Listen, you can stay in friend zone limbo forever and imagine all the "what if" scenarios you want but it's conducive to just about nothing. Life doesn't work like it does in romantic movies (and trust me when I say this displeases no one more than it does yours truly) so the best thing to do is sort. Sort that shit as soon as possible!
- Figure it out in person.
Social media has given us a million new options to read into romantic interactions...turns out we all think of our potential mates as passive aggressive morons who can only express themselves via their thumbs. Omg, if he liked my photo does that mean he likes me? K, so she shared my vid on Vine then retweeted my quote on life...she's totes into me, right?! I'm all for social media. Facebook (for work), Twitter (for fun) and Instagram for....oh wait, I deleted that because no matter how close we are I don't care what you eat for breakfast...but if you want to get real answers, for the love of cheesecake, do it in person. Ask your friend love (frove?) to coffee and bring it up then. Easy, simple and straightforward.
- Coffee, not dinner.
You don't want to pull a Miranda here. As in, booking an overly romantic restaurant, sweating buckets and adding extra pressure where it wasn't needed when she wanted to tell Steve how she felt. Keep it casual so the atmosphere remains light and airy even if the conversation doesn't. The last thing you want is a whisper fight; i.e. the kind of fight that has to occur should you plan a lovey-dovey situation in public. Okay sure, your frove could potentially say they have feelings for you as well but should that occur, I mean, go on a normal first date not a ten-year-anniversary-we-left-the-kids-at-home-and-it's-our-one-night-to-escape type deal.
- Do not, I repeat do not, do it by making a move on her while you watch movies at home.
Like, is there some cardinal guy rule that states that specific scenario must lead to sex or you are a failure as a man? Seems like it. Almost all my girlfriends who have experienced friend zone situations have had the moves put on them while watching a movie with their guy friend at home. It's creepy. And ulterior motive-y. And just in bad taste. A friendship, much less a relationship, is likely not salvageable should that situation not go well. And, if it does...well high five dude, hiiiigh five. Although you might merely have a friend with benefits as opposed to a girlfriend. (That's another blog post in itself, my dears.)
So, darling froves and frove lovers, get out of the friend zone and back into reality. Maybe it works out and maybe it doesn't, but either way you'll feel better living outside of limbo. And really, the right girl, friends first or not, won't care if you scarf down those three burritos hands-only. Until next time dear bloggees...Xx
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