The dating game...does it ever really get any easier? This twenty-something girl is going to go with a decisive no. But, with time and some (albeit wavering) maturity, it does get different. You've all seen the wildly popular Buzzfeed/EliteDaily/whatever "articles" (or GIF lists, rather) that describe the marked changes between when you're a flailing twenty year old navigating the scene and when you're a slightly-less-flailing twenty-five year old navigating the scene. So, beyond the GIF's, how do these differences add up in the real world? Let's see.
By the time you hit your mid to late twenties, you've either had your heart broken or broken someone else's. Often more than just once. This means that when you enter a relationship with someone new, you're carrying not just your black leather Pashli, but a little tote of good old fashioned baggage as well. It ain't pretty and it ain't useful but it's sure as hell there. Some people jump over baggage like hurdlers, never touching it except rare moments when they fall. Others carry it like a ball and chain to the ankle. Listen, you can pep talk the crap out of a person with baggage but at the end of the day, sometimes broken hearts take a long time to heal. The key is to finding an understanding of each other's levels of baggage; after all you want someone to help you lift that damn tote and maybe throw some of its clutter out along the way.
Baggage, schmagagge. It's all worth it for the inclusion of real dates as you get older. You know what I mean guys...real, non-shitty dates. Because both of you have real jobs now. With real paychecks. And real taste. And real savoir faire. Long gone are the days of "group dates" where you just kinda/sorta/maybe-ish invited that one dude/chick you liked along to hang with your friends and sheepishly looked at the them the whole time. Gone are the days where you haphazardly met up to just kick it around town and see what happened. Now it's all about (gasp!) solid plans and a willingness to spend more than, I don't know, fifty bucks on a first round of dating. Dinners, wine/art/wine/wine/culture/more wine, shows, galleries, concerts, and more. Flowers and otherwise if you're dating/are a smooth one. R.I.P. group date...may you never return!
The most obvious difference as we millenials get slightly less youthful (that's my sugar-coated way of saying older and jaded) is knowing what we want. In work, in lifestyle and most definitely in love. My friend Andrew and I came to the horrifying conclusion the other night over vodka-sodas and loud club bangers (I said older, not old!) that dating nowadays is indeed less a search for triumph in play and more a search for...well a partner in life. I know -- horrifying. Yet, relieving as well. Knowing you don't just want to fuck around with whatever hot piece of ass you can get, or casually date this person because OMG his tattoos and laissez-faire life are just soooo cool, make it easier for you to form real connections with people who are going to live, and not just vacation in your life. Obviously we're not talking about stage-five clinging to whoever comes our way, but knowing that a relationship is capable of meeting a certain level of seriousness is a must.
Actually, clinging is a quality left for the insecure selves of our early twenties. I find myself not necessarily apathetic when it comes to dating, but definitely much more intolerant to bullshit I would of put up with a few years ago. It's a lot less "Does he like me? Does he like me? What if he doesn't like me?" and a lot more "I like me. Fuck it." Bad relationship deja vu, signs of instability or otherwise get the shrug instead of a teary breakdown. The old quote might ring cliche but it also rings truer than true: if you're not their priority, don't make them yours. We're older. Wiser. Established. And on a trajectory to greatness. Tourists need not apply. x
By the time you hit your mid to late twenties, you've either had your heart broken or broken someone else's. Often more than just once. This means that when you enter a relationship with someone new, you're carrying not just your black leather Pashli, but a little tote of good old fashioned baggage as well. It ain't pretty and it ain't useful but it's sure as hell there. Some people jump over baggage like hurdlers, never touching it except rare moments when they fall. Others carry it like a ball and chain to the ankle. Listen, you can pep talk the crap out of a person with baggage but at the end of the day, sometimes broken hearts take a long time to heal. The key is to finding an understanding of each other's levels of baggage; after all you want someone to help you lift that damn tote and maybe throw some of its clutter out along the way.
Baggage, schmagagge. It's all worth it for the inclusion of real dates as you get older. You know what I mean guys...real, non-shitty dates. Because both of you have real jobs now. With real paychecks. And real taste. And real savoir faire. Long gone are the days of "group dates" where you just kinda/sorta/maybe-ish invited that one dude/chick you liked along to hang with your friends and sheepishly looked at the them the whole time. Gone are the days where you haphazardly met up to just kick it around town and see what happened. Now it's all about (gasp!) solid plans and a willingness to spend more than, I don't know, fifty bucks on a first round of dating. Dinners, wine/art/wine/wine/culture/more wine, shows, galleries, concerts, and more. Flowers and otherwise if you're dating/are a smooth one. R.I.P. group date...may you never return!
The most obvious difference as we millenials get slightly less youthful (that's my sugar-coated way of saying older and jaded) is knowing what we want. In work, in lifestyle and most definitely in love. My friend Andrew and I came to the horrifying conclusion the other night over vodka-sodas and loud club bangers (I said older, not old!) that dating nowadays is indeed less a search for triumph in play and more a search for...well a partner in life. I know -- horrifying. Yet, relieving as well. Knowing you don't just want to fuck around with whatever hot piece of ass you can get, or casually date this person because OMG his tattoos and laissez-faire life are just soooo cool, make it easier for you to form real connections with people who are going to live, and not just vacation in your life. Obviously we're not talking about stage-five clinging to whoever comes our way, but knowing that a relationship is capable of meeting a certain level of seriousness is a must.
Actually, clinging is a quality left for the insecure selves of our early twenties. I find myself not necessarily apathetic when it comes to dating, but definitely much more intolerant to bullshit I would of put up with a few years ago. It's a lot less "Does he like me? Does he like me? What if he doesn't like me?" and a lot more "I like me. Fuck it." Bad relationship deja vu, signs of instability or otherwise get the shrug instead of a teary breakdown. The old quote might ring cliche but it also rings truer than true: if you're not their priority, don't make them yours. We're older. Wiser. Established. And on a trajectory to greatness. Tourists need not apply. x
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