OMFG - Progress, Progress, Progress

I remember being in middle school and the make-up regime I went through daily in order to get ready. It was a lot. There was concealer, and tons and tons and tons of eyeliner (every Asian girl goes through a super-heavy eyeliner phase, trust me. Actually every girl in general, really.) and eye shadow and blush and tons and tons and tons of mascara on top of all that eyeliner. I probably resembled something of an Asian mafia princess, all that heavy make-up combined with super-thin eyebrows that seemed so in back then, but at the time it was my way of feeling pretty. Fast forward to the present and yes, I obviously still wear make-up, but it's much less than then, and I look and feel much more myself. The years have only brought confidence to me and thank goodness, because I probably wouldn't of gotten into modeling had I prolonged my Asian mafia look.

One of the perks that comes with every twenty-something birthday I pass is that I grow more and more sure of myself. As any young woman in touch with herself (intellectually and emotionally...get your minds out of the gutter, pervs.) can tell you, confidence in your twenties can be a wavering thing. Fragile yet tenacious, I find at least, that it varies as much as my mood does. There are days when I feel like I can run this city, and days when I feel like a miserable cow who's only understanding outlet is cupcakes. (Seriously, baked goods are the love of my life. Thank goodness for my faster-than-fast metabolism.) I don't feel vulnerable admitting to my insecurities, only because I know every human being out there has them.

As varied as my confidence can be, I feel more myself as I get older. Silly statement it seems to make, as obviously I've always been myself, but what I'm talking about is a sureness in my thoughts, feelings, and what I want to be doing with my life. There's an assertiveness that wasn't present much during my teens, and a comforting knowledge that mini-life crisis's aren't the end of the world, but stepping stones to the next level. That forward-moving ball of highly emotional yet fiery energy I described myself as in one of my recent blog posts fine-tuned itself over the last year and I can only imagine what will it will transform into in the near future. My landlord in Singapore (a charmingly dazed British man who did more drugs in his lifetime than anyone should and reminded me of a Rolling Stone...you're sort of amazed he's still alive.) would always talk to me in his pot-induced hazes and call me "Top Exec" as a nickname. You're just on the verge of taking off, Top Exec, I can feel it, and everyone who meets you can feel it. It's this fire. Although I took his words with a grain of salt (or weed, is more like it) I felt very much the same. A twenty-something on the verge...aren't we all on some level.

The person I am today is not who I was a week ago, a month ago, a year ago an so forth. Progress is the key to life for me (aside from love, that is) and I know as long as I'm making it, I'm good to go. Disorganized, perhaps. Unstable, maybe. But making progress? Always. Some may mistake me as not always being super upbeat all the time, but like I've said before I'm not one of those shiny happy people. And I like it that way. Whatever I'm working through in my head and in reality is usually an issue I feel I have to, and will conquer in due time. Progress indeed.

Mind you, all of this occurs just beneath the surface and is subtle unless you know me extremely well...of which I'd say only a few people do. This is the case for many women I know, and I think some of the most lovely and exquisite girls I've met are highly subtle and elegant. Confidence and progress are key to all evolving twenty-something women...and men for that matter. We all change from year to year and whether it's a forward momentum is up entirely to us. For every lovely and exquisite women on the verge out there, there's an over-made mafia princess waiting to bloom..x