Passion. It's the one thing that we search for our whole lives, whether it be romantic passion, a passion for work, or otherwise. In our twenties, the search for it is intense and on-going and once we find it, it's a race to turn it into something we can wake up to everyday and call either "work" or "honey" for the future....or until another passion comes along. I've come close to finding both passion in love and work in recent years, but translating both in ways that are feasible (work) and steady (love) have proved to be something of a daily struggle. Not the type to ever settle down with a 9 to 5 office job and be remotely happy about it (and trust me, my life would be so much easier if I was) my path to something stable professionally has been something of a whirlwind lately.
I always convince myself that I should just suck it up and get an office job (which I've had before, all through university for the university actually. It was an exception though...the people I worked with were wonderful and are good friends now. And how they put up with me waltzing in and out for castings and what not and wearing the most unprofessional work-wear, I'll never know.) but I just can't seem to do it. I appear to be on the pursuit of something better suited to what I want. Exactly what that is, I haven't figured it out yet. Believe it or not, these darling little blog posts I write make me exceptionally happy, and writing is something I've figured out I want to pursue during the last year.Of course, my visions of grandeur were just a wee bit spoiled by the fact that no one seems to want to pay people to write. (Oh, creative jobs. We all have the passion but the image of the starving artist living off canned food in his sparse loft is not something I could ever do....ugh canned food..) And when they do, it's not much. Currently I'm writing for an online magazine and also doing this blog, but it just doesn't seem to be enough to satisfy my writing appetite...and is definitely not something feasible for a future that I'm positive will include much more than a sparse loft. In the mean time, I'm modeling and doing promoting (surprisingly going very well and let's face it -- super fun.) two opportunities I won't shut the door on just yet. Perhaps it's blind confidence (or not coming to your senses yet, as my lovely mom phrased it delicately the other day) but I'm sure that whatever path I'm on is the right one, and that actively pursuing everything that catches my interest is sure to lead to something stable. Stable, but not boring, seems to be the elusive holy grail I'm seeking.
Passion in love, on the other hand, I seem to have covered. Perhaps a bit too much. The things I do when I'm in love....there's no need to go there really, and I'd like to keep it that way. Tumultuous, yes, but anyone who is remotely fiery on the inside like I am can sympathize with all the crazy you justify when you feel certain things for some one. To everyone else, I'm sure we just look coo coo for Cocopuffs! I'm sure every emotionally passionate individual has used their "passion" as a way to excuse some truly psycho behavior (No? Just me?) but at the end of the day, there really is no logic for me when it comes to love. If I feel it, I feel it, and something has to happen. C'est la vie, non? Well, c'est la passionate vie, anyways. Luckily my crimes of passion have proved to be successful for the most part thus far...only time will tell whether longevity plays a role with my current man. Until then, I'm happy to feel, instead of think it out. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence anyways isn't it?
To say follow your passion is utterly cliched, but one I'll take over all the other rights now. (Oh, and "find yourself." Always a good one and exceedingly relevant no matter how corny.) I suppose it'd be nice to be finding my passion while making an abundance of dollars at the same time, but I'll sacrifice a corporate paycheck for chasing after what feels right in the mean time. That gut feeling that leads me to make almost all my big decisions in life has never led me stray thus far, and I'm confident that where ever I'm heading, is towards something great. Passions upon passions? Carrie may not have wanted it with the Russian, but I'll take it over dull and standard any day.
x
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