Sorry for the delay in posts all you lovely blogees. I've been going through the midst of my first heartbreak and suffice to say it hasn't been fun. Actually, the mood I've been in lately resembles putting a pillowcase over my head, stuffing my face with cupcakes (at the same time, no less..it was tricky at first but now I've mastered it) and blasting Amy Winehouse's "Back to Black" on repeat, all the while thinking "Where did it all go wrong?"
Okay, I can joke about it now, but it really has been an exceptionally painful time in my life. I had never been in love before this (neither had he) and after one ridiculously perfect year, and one not-so-perfect year, we realized it was time to move on. I won't get into specifics, but it involved both of us realizing staying together would not be fair -- to either of us. At 23 I know I'm young but I can't help that this all feels so...final.
What is it with girls that we think every first love is the fated "one?" I had actually convinced myself in the back of my head, although I denied it, that he was it for me. And, even after just a week of reflecting, I realize how silly of me it was to think that!
Being some one who is both hyper-sensitive and hyper-aware makes for an interesting combo...mainly that I know exactly what the hell is going on to a point that I know things I'm feeling are ridiculous, yet I have to feel them anyways. It's almost like I'm too conscious for my own good. I know that I'm heart-broken now (seriously, I've felt like my stomach has been ripped out for the past couple weeks...and although the random spurts of bursting into tears has calmed down, they still happen) but I guess what makes this all bearable is that I know it's for the greater good. I know I love him, more than I thought I could love some one this early on in my life, and the same goes for him. In order for us to be happy right now, we can't be together and whether that's final, or just for right now, only time will tell.
As much as it sucks, this needed to happen. Girls, (and boys), break-ups are hard on everyone. I feel as though a part of me has died, but it's a means of maturing and realizing what your needs are. The one thing all relationships have in common is that we learn about ourselves, our needs, our deal-breakers, within them. I now know that I require within a relationship (or, at least a serious one) and that's a good thing.
While I'm not quite recovered yet (I still have mixed feelings of wanting to throw things at him and wanting to jump into his arms when I think of my ex) I know that one day I'll look back on this situation now, turn to my new boyfriend Robert Pattinson and say "Well I'm glad I did that!"
Kidding aside, the tried and true remedies for a break-up are the same as they've always been: friends, keeping busy, and a couple good boozy nights out. The weekend starts tonight, so I plan on doing all those three things, especially the last one.
Chins up for all your heartbroken girls out there who feel my pain! And more importantly, bottoms up!
Cheers.
x
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