I've always been one of those people who loves to sleep. Maybe it's because I'm the ultimate dreamer and getting lost in my dreams was something I looked forward to even as a child, but for whatever reason, sleeping soundly has never been a problem for me. Up until recently that is.
So lately I've been waking up in slight panics with my heart beating faster than normal. My heartbeat has always been a good indicator of changes or events that are going to unfold in my life; being some one who thinks with nothing but their heart, I guess this is fitting. Whenever my heartbeat starts to pick up, I know it's because there's something I need to resolve or because something, either good or bad, is about to happen. Seriously.
Anyways, as hokey as it all sounds, I know better than to go against my heart because well, it's been my guide in life so far and minus one devastating heartbreak (and let's face it, it happens to everyone once) it's never steered me wrong. I thought I was waking up out of sadness over not being with my ex anymore, panicking that I didn't have him in my life in the way I wanted anymore. But it turns out it had nothing to do with him at all, and everything to do with me.
My panicking, my internal tick tick ticking of my heart was, and is, my ultimate wake-up call! It's time for me to get the hell out of here.
'Here' for me is and has been for the last 23 years, Toronto. I was born and raised here and love this city to death but I feel like I've exhausted it. I've been clubbing since I was 15 (thank you fake New Brunswick ID!), wining and dining just as long, know everyone I feel I need to, and heck, I remember when Ossington was actually grimy, not all hipster grimy that way it is now. When you've been in a city long enough to see a neighborhood experience gentrification...well that's when you know it's time to go!
Travel has always been a passion of mine and my quest to conquer has gotten the best of me...I need out and I need it ASAP. I've known so many people with this intense drive to get out there and want more, more, more. I've never really felt that push until recently. Toronto doesn't feel big enough anymore, it doesn't feel like where opportunities are and where the magic is happening. It's lost its mystic appeal to me and is just a place I have to reside until I can make my way to where I belong: New York.
New York is where I need to be right now; it's energy, it's industry, it's worldwide title of being the place where IT happens -- IT being whatever, and whoever you are seeking in life. I'm going for my career, I'm going to meet people, I'm going for too many things to name specifically right now just because for the most part, I have no idea what I'm looking for. But one thing is certain: I'm going to find IT in New York.
The allure of big cities is undeniable to me. I studied Urban Geography in university for goodness sake because I just can't seem to get enough of cities! Where and why commercial, industrial, social, administrative, pretty much all activity and action occurs is what I wanted to get to the root of and where I need to be. The center of all the action! While Toronto was a nice mid-size city to start with, it's time for me to crack the top-tier cities of the world: the big three are New York, London and Tokyo. Screw vacations. Vacations imply that I have to go home after visiting. I want a life that includes living in one, two, or all three of these cosmopolitans. The reason for my panic attacks is as clear as the Van Cleef and Arpels rock that will inevitably grace my left hand in the future: I need to move out of Toronto and finally live in a place where I feel my outside matches my inside.
Seems like my days of being a laissez-faire sleeper will be over once I go to New York...who needs dreams in sleep when you're living them?
x
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