OMFG -- A little inner thought.

I can withstand a surprisingly high amount of emotional stress. My friends have mentioned on numerous occasions that I function at a level most girls would break down and cry at the thought of. And whenever my love and I get into spats, he brings up (delicately worded as always...he's a nice guy) that I'm really "emotional' and that it's "beautiful' but "hard to deal with". Read: I love you but you're fucking crazy. (For more on girls being crazy, read my previous post.) A fair assessment if there ever was one, but what's a girl to do?

The problem with highly emotional girls is that we justify things in or heads that seem ridiculously irrational to the outside world. I've caused fights over things that should be dead, gone, and buried six feet under simply because I am bothered by it still and can feel it gnawing away at my insides. As much as an exaggeration as it sounds like, it's true. It's not like it's exactly fun being some one who feels the need to squash every annoyance so it doesn't fester into something that will ultimately hurt, but it's the person I am and I've come to accept that. It took twenty-odd years for me to even come to that conclusion, but let's be honest here: everyone is flawed and the sooner you accept yours, the sooner you can figure out a way to deal with them. Let's keep in mind that emotions are always tied to things, or people more often, that are of meaning. Otherwise I can be as ruthless as the next ice queen, but that's another post entirely.

So, in having accepted this flaw in myself, just how am I supposed to differentiate from becoming a total psycho bitch? Honestly, I haven't quite figured it out yet. As insanely cliched as it sounds, our twenties truly are for self-discovery and "finding ourselves". (And cue the growing up moments montage set to Greenday's Time of your Life) I've learned to keep away from those who are negative energy in my opinion, surround myself with positive people as much as possible and stay as rational as possible when irate. (My mother used to tell me to count to 100 before acting when angry...this tip has probably saved several people from getting vases, glasses, and other objects hurled at them.) Some times within whatever relationship I'm in I find myself looking to the other person for support and calm -- but to count on some one else for inner balance is never a good idea.

I guess I'm just over-thinking as usual my dear bloggees, after all it is 4am and I was out earlier tonight. To wrap this intra-personal little post I felt the need to write before bed, I will say this: we are all flawed beings and finding inner balance on our own, without being dependent on anyone else, is the first step to a happiness that no one will be able to take away from you.
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